This past Thursday was a top three-er for me.
Top day #1: August 5, 2006. My wedding day to the hottest little piece of specialty meat around, Nick Salz.
Top Day #2: January 29, 2011. The day I pushed Cruz Nicholas out of my nether regions and into my arms FOREVER. Okay not forever but kinda. Cause I seriously love him.
Top Day #3: August 23, 2012. Allow me to explain in 3 specific moments.
Let's pause a minute and go back just so you can get how monumental specific moment #1 was for me.
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At Cruz's 12 month apt. our pediatrician noticed a few things that concerned her. A. He didn't really want to look anyone in the eye. B. He was SUPER sensitive during the eye check. Freaking out over the light.
Okay so no biggie right?
Cruz has always been very serious and independent - much happier with a book than with a friend. Exactly like his Mama or so says Mimi.
Well, not so much.
It didn't take me but a few questions from the doc to figure out where she was going...she was going 90 mph down the your son might have Autism road. So in an effort to be more pro-active than reactive I allowed them to perform every test in the book and made a LARGE effort to work on and notice things like eye contact, sensitivity to light and sound and face to face interaction - cuddling, hide and seek, peak-a-boo etc.
The cherry on the top of this sundae (that tasted like a pile of barf) was that while little things like cuddling and eye contact had greatly improved in the three months since his 12 month visit and tests were coming back negative, he wasn't talking. Okay. Time to do the developmental evaluation.
Occupational Therapy Evaluation: Not good. Delayed. Behind. Sensory concerns.
Speech Therapy Evaluation: Even worse.
I read the evaluation they sent in the mail and cried. To my mom. To Nick.
It was blessing and a curse. A punch to the heart in the worst way. A motivation. I have never wanted anything more than to fight for the beautiful little boy who couldn't fight for himself. Against judgement. Against gossip. Against "normal".
So, I got to work. We started speech therapy and I learned tips, tricks and how to's to help Cruz start to form sweet words throughout our day together. I took notes from the OT eval and bought educational toys in an effort to teach him through play how to hit his specific age targets. We did this everyday until his 18 month well visit where I was able to report change. Good change.
Time for a second developmental evaluation.
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Un-pause.
Specific moment #1: Cruz's second developmental evaluation.
We walked into the first eval. OT. Ohhh baby. Nothing can make you feel MORE inadequate more quickly than a total stranger asking your child to play with all the RIGHT answers. Immediately upon shutting the eval doors, the student helper wanted Cruz to play with Mr. Potato Head. She was asking Cruz to put eyes in eye slots, noses in nose slots, arms in arm slots and hats in hat spots. YIKES! We don't have Mr. PH and no joke - I JUST STARTED trying to teach Cruz what a nose is and where it goes the day before. Good thing that was a warm up cause we both FAILED! Now time for the real deal. The therapist started asking me a bunch of questions and whipped out her score book. One by one she tested Cruz's ability by giving him tasks. 1. Put a three piece puzzle together. With no help. 2. Stack 5 blocks. With no help. 3. Place 10 small cubes into a pill bottle. With no help. 4. Correctly hold and use a crayon. AND one by one he did every task! He actually put a three piece puzzle together without any help or guidance from me. Circle in the circle space. Triangle in the triangle space. Square in the square space. I was holding my breath the whole time so when he finally finished, I clapped the loudest I could, yelled something about him doing such a good job and told him to walk right over to me and give me a high five. I have never been prouder.
After each task the therapist ooo'd and awww'd over his improvement. At the very end she turned to me and told me something I will never forget in my whole life - I just want to congratulate you on Cruz's remarkable improvement. This evaluation showed him at or above his age group in all categories!
Cruz and I walked back to the waiting room to wait for the speech eval and I sobbed (thank goodness it was just he and I). I sobbed and told Jesus thank you for 5 whole minutes. It was an amazing moment to know that sacrifice was worth it and that the judgement was premature and quite frankly totally, utterly ridiculous.
In the waiting room. Such a happy boy.
Specific moment #2: A little love from Easy.
Coming home from an amazing apt. with Cruz to find a package on my door step - OOoooo LOVE! Have I ever told you guys that gifts is my love language (not expecting gifts btw. just sayin'.)? Well, my bestie Erin is my champion love tank filler upper. She knows it and nails it every time.
This time it is a box ooozzzzing with good smells. Lush.
Erin remembered I how spent too long at Lush with her picking out the best smelling soap and learning the difference between a bath bomb and a bath bar. For a girl who loves her baths and Meaningful Beauty, I was in heaven! And it all flooded back to me when I opened my package to find the perfect assortment of the Lush essentials.
To you, Erin: you probably don't even know the significance of this particular package arriving on my door step that particular day...if I am right, please know this. Your gift made me feel special and really valued because you remembered. Seeing this after Cruz's apt. and before we left to go find out this baby is a girl made me feel like you were here with me, just down the street, cheering me on (high kicks and all :)), blowing me big fat kisses. Thank you for your gift. And for always filling my love tank. And for your encouragement and most importantly for your loyal friendship. I am so so lucky.
Specific moment #3: IT'S A GIRL!
For those of you who haven't seen the video, we are going to be the parents of a DAUGHTER. A baby girl. Like, I still can't handle it. I can't believe that God has blessed me with this life.
The staff at Clinks were top notch. From the moment we walked in (greeted by the executive chef), I felt like royalty. That their job was to make this night the VERY BEST. And boy did they.
I was so nervous throughout dinner and drinks I thought I was going to have a heart attack. So when the time finally came to uncover what was accompanying our burnt cream - strawberries or blueberries - I made Nick do the honors. Now, after thinking of this moment for two straight weeks and crying every time, I thought for sure it would all be out of my hormonally imbalanced system and all I would do was smile, maybe chuckle and give my husband a kiss. Yeah...so guess what I did. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed. I cried so hard that the chef had to go get me a whole box of tissue. Nick had to have thought I had lost my ever lovin' mind. The daughter I had prayed every night for was a total reality, growing healthy in my tummy. Pretty incredible.
There are many reasons I love Nick Salz. I practically tell you every other day here but probably the number one reason I love him so much is that he has made my dream come true. In 4 short months I will have a son AND a daughter who share his last name, good looks and call me mama.
HOLY CRAP.
Right after we opened the lid. Excuse the puffy eyes. I was still crying.
Oh and very lastly.
Here she is. PVS. Posing over her shoulder - already like the model, Miss future something, sweet princess she is.
Ohhh baby girl, we CAN'T WAIT to meet you.
