No one stands between me and my puffy Cheetos

Our first dinner date

Nick is out of town this week for work. 

Initially, I dreaded it. I always look forward to 5:30 - the moment Nick comes home to save the day. He takes care of the dogs, plays with Cruz so I can finish our dinner or helps me finish my chores. After we have eaten, he usually throws Cruz in the bath and helps me get him ready for bed. 

We end the night all together. Mostly reading books. Sometimes wrestling. It's heaven. 

Stay at home moms, you know what I am referring to, the breath of fresh air after a long day. 

Sunday night right before drifting off to sleep I prayed. Prayed for my attitude - to quit keeping score. Prayed for the week - that it would go by quick and painless. Prayed for Nick and Cruz...

Having thought by now I would be WAY over the week, I am actually thanking Jesus because of how amazing it has been. Not only has it gone by totally quick but Cruz and I have filled our schedule and most importantly seriously enjoyed our time together. 

I know that every passing moment is time I won't ever get back so instead of being selfish and wishing time by so badly God, through prayer, has helped me see the bigger picture. I have a very short window of time left before we introduce a sweet baby girl into our family so now is the time to focus very intentionally on Cruz. To remember how his 19 month old body feels in my arms, to listen and respond to his sweet baby babble, to praise him for stacking 8 cups or placing the dog piece into the right slot of a puzzle. To watch him   grab Liam's tail, go down the slide all by himself and smile at Dora with utter delight. To remember him loving his dad and feeling his chubby hands grab hold of my neck each morning as I get him out of his crib for the best hug in the history of hugs. 

Tonight - another mental memory, sealed away for all time. We went on our first dinner date together! I actually showered, got dressed and put on some makeup for my date. Once seated, we chatted about the kids menu, how to screw on a cap (to his apple juice), and how biting your cousin is unacceptable. He shared some of his pizza with me and even asked very nicely for dessert. 

It was the best! Just he and I, uninterrupted, for 45 whole minutes. 

Tonight, as I say my prayers, I will be thanking God for being so faithful. For the best blessing ever and for providing me with a joyful heart this week and the opportunity to take my first born on a date. 

Now, I kinda don't want the week to end...

Some home salz love and a quote

After talking with my dear friend, Heather, I am seriously contemplating giving my blog a much needed makeover. The thing is, I can't do it myself. Remember when MySpace was the ish? Well I got really good at writing the code to make amazing changes to my profile behind the scenes. Redic, I know, but MySpace was revolutionary and I wanted my past to think I was nothing short of fab. The point really being I wasn't. 

So, I think I am going to feed my I'm obsessed with Etsy fire and find a designer to help Home Salz get the makeover it deserves. I mean seriously. I am coming up on my 200th post. It's about time!

Upon researching makeover ideas last night I came across this quote. I literally oooo and awwww'd out loud. It stirred something in my passionate little body so I of course I HAVE to share. 

"Her grey eyes sparkled with passion as she spoke. Sid looked into them and for a second he glimpsed her soul. He saw what she was - fierce and brave. Upright. Impatient. And good. So good that she would sit covered in gore, shout at dangerous men, and keep a long, lonely vigil - all to save the likes of him. He realized she was a rare creature, as rare as a rose in Winter."

 - Jennifer Donnelly, The Winter Rose

Passion, folks. It is what this life is all about. 

Happy Tuesday!

22 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: As I write this? 22 weeks, 3 days. 

Total Weight Gain: I had my apt. today and the news was a little frighting. 11 lbs. so far! That's 6 lbs. since my last apt. Oops.

Maternity Clothes: Pants only - I have a pair of maternity GAP skinnys, maternity GAP Bermuda shorts and some maternity leggings I have yet to bust out. Since I only have three and a half months left (Uhhhhhh, I can't believe how FAST this pregnancy has gone) I am thinking I may invest in one more pair of colored skinnys to get through the winter. Plus how fab would a pair of red skinnys be for the Holidays....yes. Typing that last statement sealed the deal. Done and done. 

Stretch Marks: No.

Best Moment this Week: Nick telling me how much he loves my pregnant body. Talk about a confidence boost and a get ready cause I am going to make you feel instantly sexy kind of statement. 

Miss Anything: Just the feeling of being skinny. AND it's only going to get WORSE!!!!

Movement: Totally! Tons!!! This past week besides feeling her in bed and on the couch, I have been feeling her in the car, while at Nordstrom Rack (looking at baby Juicy)...she's getting strongerrrrr.

Cravings: Sweets! Baskin and Robbins chocolate pb ice cream, cinnamon bears (from Target ONLY), and anything cake-y and chocolate-y oh and frosting-y. Yesterday I was craving chocolate cream cheese brownies from Betty Crocker SO bad I swore I could smell them. Ps: I didn't make them because I wasn't willing to drive to Albertsons to get them. At 9 pm.

Gender: Girl!

Name: PVS.

Labor Signs: No.

Symptoms: Ooooo baby - the heartburn started in a BAD way this week. I have had to resort to adding in two Tums into my nightly get-ready-for-bed routine. This baby girl better come out with a head FULL of hair! Also did you know that dry eyes and a stuffy nose can be related to pregnancy (says Babycenter)?? Those were two symptoms I didn't have with Cruz but am DYINGGGGGGGGG over with P. Usually I can put my contacts in at 7 and off at 10...now?? On at 11 and off at 7:30! In fact it is 7:44 and I feel like I have a piece of plastic in each eye. Don't even get me started on the amount of times I blow my nose each day...

Happy or Moody: I think I figured it out. My moodiness kicks into high gear if I have a headache. Most days an iced skinny vanilla latte solves that problem. Hey, keep this mama fed and hydrated (by coffee mostly) and bring on the happy!

Wedding Rings - on or off: On.

Looking Forward to: P's heart ultrasound has been moved to Monday. Looking forward to that ohhhhh and the fact I get to fly to Portland with Lauren to see Erin on Friday! Nick is out of town all week at Dreamforce so other than missing him and prolonging our reunion another two days I am beyond ready for some best friend time. As much as I love my husband there is nothing quite like spending some serious quality time with the Fearsome. I was telling my sister the other day how much I love and appreciate them....when you have been best friends for 15 plus years there isn't anything you can't talk about. You know the back story, you know every disappointment, every disagreement, every joy - happy moment and every regret. There is no judgement and most importantly there is NO being fake. Just the thought of sitting around the TV, in sweats, sipping hot tea with the women I love most on the earth makes me happy beyond measure. 

20 weeks

18 weeks

Nursery Talk

At 6 weeks pregnant I went to Seattle for a bachelorette party. There were 7 of us little hot thangs (I use hot thangs because it makes me feel better about myself. Let's be honest, at 6 weeks pregnant you feel the total opposite of hot) - 3 of which were pregnant. So instead of wine tasting and penis straws we went to Ikea.

Clearly my overwhelming desire for girl had me by the balls (yikes. two genitalia references already? Nick, you are rubbing off on me) because what was I thinking about the WHOLE time I was there?

 What can I get for the nursery?!

And of course the nursery I designed and purchased things for while there was all baby girl. Woah...maybe I do have some mother's intuition after all?! My initial plan was black, white, gold and eggplant. I bought this amazing black and white striped blanket for the crib and this TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEE for large scale black and white printed fabric - to use as huge fabric panels behind her glossy purple crib.

[via here]

My life motto should be something to the effect about finding the next best, most fab thing and changing my mind (except for husbands - I am obsessed with mine and never want a new one) because what did I stumble across while blog surfing? Oh only the most amazing nursery every. BAM. Mind changed and Sayonara fab black and white fabric panels. 

Here is the newest (and very permanent) inspiration photo that made me weak in the knees. 

Some more eye candy...

[via here]

Oh Joy's nursery for daughter Ruby (AMAZING baby name too ps)!!!

Clearly my mother mis-named me when I was born. Ashley Ann should really have been Ashley sparkle-glitter-over-the-top-shower-me-with-gold-diamonds-jewels-OMG (in capitals) Westerberg. So while this nursery gave me a really great starting off point I knew I could and WOULD push it to OMG levels of fab-ness. 

Starting off with.....................

A metallic gold CRIB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean come on. Any daughter of mine...especially with the name PVS...needs to sleep surrounded by gold! 

A HUGE thank you to my friend Keri - also expecting (which can I just tell you how much fun it is to go through pregnancy with a friend?!) - who was also searching for a Jenny Lind style crib for her surprise addition. She got lucky, found one via Craigslist and then passed another listing onto me. A white Delta Jenny Lind crib complete with sheets and mattress for $30 bucks. The only problem was that it was an hour and a half away from me. 

I called the lady anyway - who could NOT have been nicer - told her about my interest, where I was located and that I was willing to drive over the next afternoon to pick it up (I figured 30 bucks was worth the gas). THANK YOU JESUS cause the next sentence out of her mouth was, "Oh honey. Why don't I drive it in for you. I can meet you in Post Falls (which is 10 minutes away) if you would like?!"

UHHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSS, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee.

So that's that. I picked it up in some hospital parking lot the next afternoon and off we went to parade the thing to Nick.

4 cans of metallic gold Rustoleum and 2 I'll-never-huff-spray-paint-intentionally-to-get-high-because-sitting-there-watching-made-my-stomach-hurt-from-the-fumes hours later and....

(these after pics are totally un-instagramed. real life baby!)

Money.

Pot o' gold.

Pure Sunshine.

Royalty

I could go on and on...

 I LOVE every square inch of it!!!!!!!!! Like totally and utterly obsessed. 

I will keep you updated as we get paint and metallic gold polka dots up on the walls, furniture moved in, accessories picked and fabric ordered for the bedding. My thought is to pair my metallic gold visions with blush pink, burnt orange and a deep dark plum. Perhaps some minty green or sky blue thrown in the mix too. We will see. 

Ps: I ordered my car seat cover and boppy cover. Etsy is amazing btw. I do a search every night trying to find more things to have custom made...poor bank account. 

Boppy cover:

[via here]

Car seat cover:

I scored this little Alexander Henry beaut at Joanne Fabrics ON CLEARANCE!

What do you think of the fabric?

SOO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Thursday!

M.R.I never want to do that again

In a last stitch effort to rule out any medical issues concerning Cruz's speech delay our pediatrician recommended an MRI - to make sure the parts of Cruz's brain which controls/hears/interprets speech is all good and healthy.

Clearly ANY procedure which requires anesthesia (in this case it was a heavy sedative - Propofol - which if you pay any attention to celebrity news you may recognize this as the drug that killed Michael Jackson) is nerve wracking. You can't ever count out the fact your child may not wake up but a. God is in control, b. God is in control, c. God is in control and d. if this is the final test needed to prove that the only thing wrong with Cruz is a little speech delay then SO BE IT. 

Honestly the morning of the procedure did not start off well. We were a little late getting on the freeway because I had the logical thought that at 6:20am Starbucks wouldn't be busy. I am totally going to blame Satan here....so not only were there 6 cars ahead of me but when I finally got up to the window to grab my coffee and hot sandwich (cause this mama with child gets NASTYYYYYYY when she doesn't eat) I didn't grab my sandwich. I want to cry and cuss cause now we are REALLY late but decide to park out front to run in and grab my sandwich. Yeah. Bad idea. I forgot to put my iced coffee in the cup holder so when I parked (too furiously) it flew into the passenger seat and rolled onto the floor. Oh totally...it spilled ALL over. 

With 10 minutes till check-in at Sacred Heart's Pediatric Surgery Center I pull out of the Liberty Lake Starbuck's parking lot. 

All I can say is prayer and 104.9 saved my attitude on the drive down. 

Once we were checked in here's how it all went down.

1. Happy as a clam in the waiting room. It really is a toddler's happy place...until they get taken back to get their vitals checked, are de-dressed and put into the jail like metal crib used as a holding tank before "the real deal".

2. The vital check was rough for Cruz. He didn't appreciate any poking or prodding especially before breakfast, juice and a little Dora. Thank goodness Nick was with me and was able to help calm him down and walk with him into his pre-op room. 

3. In preparation for the IV, the sweet nurse needed to rub a numbing cream on both of Cruz's hands so that when they were ready to shove a needle in his chubby Salzwedel hand he didn't feel a thing. Yeah...he was SCREAMING during the rubbing. I mean freaking out. And it was just rubbing. 

So the nurse asked permission to give Cruz a "child martini" aka: anti-anxiety/memory wiping/make you feel so good you want to laugh, smile and coo - magic potion. Why make something already hard even harder for babe, nurse, mama, right?! We said sure and waited 5 minutes. 

He was higher than a kite in NYC. 

He was so happy he even let them miss his vain 4 times before getting the IV to stick without a single peep. It was amazing. 

4. After an hour in pre-op, Nick heads to work and I walk Cruz back to the MRI machine to meet the anesthesiologist and watch them put him to sleep. He was still so happy - jabbering, smiling at nothing, laughing at this lego key chain the nurse had. It was so hysterical. He had NO idea what was going on. 

Truth be told, it was rough watching him drugged to sleep, strapped to a board, attached to what looked like a thousand wires, eyes taped shut. I had about 30 seconds where my emotions got the best of me. What saved a full blown panic attack? The amazing nurses and doctors surrounding us both assuring me this was so normal and totally safe. I really appreciate the kindness and patience I was shown that day...hope they knew that. 

5. I was in the waiting room for about 50 minutes before they called me back to post-op. Cruz wasn't crying like he did with his Tubes. He was fussy - probably recognizing that the lady holding him wasn't mom - but stopped immediately when I grabbed him. 

Because of the drugs he couldn't hold up his head for about 20 minutes after he woke up. So we rocked and watched in horror as a 4 year old boy across the way fought every nurse within a 5 mile radius as he came out from his surgery. From what I could over hear it had something to do with his genitalia. So sad. 

20 minutes later Cruz was given animal crackers and apple juice, one last vitals check and the clearance to head home. 

 

So???? How'd he do??

The next morning the doc called and the MRI showed a totally healthy brain. 

I am so glad that we are done with testing. 

Being at Sacred Heart that morning really made me extra thankful for all that God has blessed us with. Health included. There were some really sick babies there for really intense procedures. I never want to think that I am above that. It could have easily been Nick and I there with a baby who needed reconstructive surgery due to a brain tumor or trying to calm down a 4 year old coming out of surgery of the penis (all of which happened btw).

At the end of the day Cruz is a serious, independent, happy little cuddle love who can't get enough of his brother Liam, sister Bianca and getting chased by dad all over the house.  Oh and did I tell you he can now say 10 WORDS???? Mimi, Papa, Dada, Mama, Bianca, ball, bubbles, banana, out, and hippo! He may not be at age level yet (20 words) but we are sure going to get him there.

Life lately via iPhone pics

 

 

Oh and PS

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your phone calls, text messages and Facebook posts about Cruz's last 6 months. I have never felt so supported, loved and encouraged in my whole life. And I can't wait to tell Cruz how many people are large fans of his. Waving, cheering and yelling from the stands. While writing about our experience is probably considered risky, there was no hesitation about sharing publicly. I know that we aren't alone...if only I would have had another mom to learn from, ask questions to and be able to worry vomit on it. It sure would have been less scary. 

Love each and every one of you and am constantly blessed to have such an amazing community of women around me...giving me a high five and a bum slap every step of the way. 

20 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: As I write this? 20 weeks 3 days 

Total Weight Gain: 5lbs. Honestly, with how large I feel, I am surprised it isn't more like 10. My goal is not to exceed the lbs I gained with Cruz (33). I just keep telling myself to walk it off. Walk. It. Off. Oh and cut back on Baskin Robbins Chocolate PB ice cream. 

Maternity Clothes: I still am only wearing maternity bottoms. Last weekend I pulled out my small (and I mean a quarter of a small moving box small) maternity stash from Cruz. A few cute maternity tops I forgot about! I'll bust those out as we get further into fall. PS: Old Navy rocked my ever lovin' world the other day! Their fall sweaters are KILLER. I scored this little leopard tunic sweater I plan on wearing for my maternity pics (paired with a skinny belt, knee high socks and hunter rain boots) and this little polka dot number. Going one size up does wonders for a bump! 

Stretch Marks: No and thanks to my bestie's b-day package, I won't ever!

Best Moment this Week: Nick - my non expressive, non emotional husband - calling baby p by name. It is the sweetest thing to hear him say her name. OMG and all the HEADBANDS/HAIR CLIPS I have purchased. These three were a direct result of excessive blog/Etsy surfing last night. LOVE, huh?!

  

{Via here, here and here}

Miss Anything: This week it's being able to take a long walk without, much later, feeling like a granny who just had a hip replacement. My round ligaments are making me feel disabled. 

Movement: So much more! It is still only when I am still but nonetheless...my sis was gifted a fetal doppler when she was pregnant with Lucy. We counted and so far it has tracked and listened to 9 babies! Soooo freakin' cool. Anyway, most nights I don't have to use it cause I feel little jabs down low but the nights she is really quiet, I bust the thing out and make the whole family listen to her little heartbeat. Every time I put on those headphones and chase her quick heartbeat back and forth across my belly I smile. Every time. 

Cravings: This week? Sourdough English muffins and iced coffee. Don't worry. It will change next week. Oh and you better believe I indulge. Despite my strict weigh gain goal (see above). Hence walking it off. 

Gender: WOOOO HOOO!!!! I get to have a daughter!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S A GIRL!

Name: PVS. Big fat secret till birth...although guesses are welcome. 

Labor Signs: No. And thank you Jesus!

Symptoms: Hormonal headaches and the grumps.

Happy or Moody: Moody. I feel like niceness makes me happy. Why can't everyone else in my whole world just be nice all the time?!

Wedding Rings - on or off: On! 

Looking Forward to: During my ultrasound baby p was tummy down so unfortunately they weren't able to see her heart. This means that Dr. Brown will give me another ultrasound next apt. to take a peek! Looking very much forward to that...if only to triple check she has ovaries and a vagina (which is currently forming as I type) and to see a profile shot. I am already dreaming about how she will look upon birth! Will we have another Cruz or something completely different? Both my parents have green eyes. Nick's mom has light eyes and hair and his sister the same. You never know...she could come out looking like a Dutch national. To be honest...all I care about is her hair. If I can't immediately slap on a glitter heart onto her locks I will cry. Kidding. Kind of.