Laurie Salzwedel's brave and courageous fight with cancer ended on Friday, February 17, 2012, when she passed away at her home in Clarkston. She was 49 years old.
In blog posts past, I have told you about tears, sadness and the pain - many different types. What I didn't get to tell you about was the regret. And now that it is too late, it roars at me like the most angry of lions.
Did she know that I appreciated her? Did she know that I wanted to try to make our relationship better? For Nick. For Cruz. For Bob. For me. Did she know that I was sorry for anything I may have said to offend her? Did she know how I felt about God? Did she see Nick and I live it out? Did I say enough? Did I do enough to show her compassion and support when she needed it at the end?
I don't know that she would say yes to 1, 2 or all 7 of those questions and that is what keeps me up at night.
The excuse I could give is that I have never been that
close to cancer. That I didn't know. But, that is crap. We are all frail, fragile and the truth of the matter is at any moment our time here on this temporary home will be over.
The memories I have of Laurie are fond. I can't wait to tell Cruz about the day I met Laurie for the first time. I was a nervous wreck - you know, meeting the parents for the first time nervous. We pulled up to their house on Highland and there they were. Both sitting on the balcony. Glowing with happiness. The first thing I noticed was her stunning hair. Longer than my arm. Beautifully golden brown. Almost red. She smiled at me, said hello and gave me a hug. The
I've missed you hug.
We chatted for a while then left to go grab lunch at Roosters (down by the pier). Somehow (looking back I am totally not surprised) she ran into someone she knew. He offered to take us all on a boat ride. We agreed. She was giddy with excitement. She stepped onto that boat - that beautiful reddish brown hair shining in the bright valley sunshine - and happily took one sip of an ice cold beer. She looked like she was in her own personal heaven.
Minutes passed, cruising down the river, when I noticed her staring at me. I looked at her and she said, "God, you are beautiful."
No, I thought, you are.
What Laurie taught me most is that by not being bold about how you feel about the people you love, how you live your life...it is all such a mistake. What Laurie taught me is that this life IS too short. It is too frail, too imperfect and that c.r.a.p happens to people who don't deserve it.
What are we going to do with the c.r.a.p? Who are we going to lean on? Who is bigger than all of this c.r.a.p here?
How are we going to love those who are still left to pick up the pieces?
I just hope she knew.
Cruz's only photo with Grandma Laurie.
And because I could never say it with as much love, memory or beautiful despair, here is her obituary. Written by her soul mate and Nick's dad, Bob.
On Friday, February 17th, Laurie passed away at our home in Clarkston. She had been fighting cancer since 2007.
Laurie was born to Dennis and Judy Smith at Tri-state Hospital on November 26, 1962. She grew up in the Lewis-Clark valley, attending school in Lewiston and graduating from Lewiston high school in 1981. She attended North Idaho College in Coeur d' Alene.
Laurie's family and friends were very important to her. She considered most of her friends to be family, and treated them all with love and respect. She was a compassionate and loving person, with a smile that would light up a room. Laurie was sharp of wit and had a gentle spirit. Laurie loved life with a passion and had a wonderful sense of humor that made her a joy just to be around. She was a sweet soul with a kind and loving heart. Laurie had a genuine gift with people that made even strangers feel comfortable. Her circle of friends included people from all walks of life. "People are people, we're all the same," she would tell me. Laurie worked in the restaurant business most of her life. Those who were lucky enough to sit in her section were treated with the best service that they would ever have. She had no equal, and was loved by her regular customers who were her extended family.
Laurie's talents went way beyond her success at work. She was a gifted seamstress who made magic with a needle and thread. Her projects were too numerous to count, from curtains to prom dresses. She had an artist's soul, a vivid imagination, and the ability to bring it all together to create wonderful projects. Laurie loved to make scrapbooks to showcase the "events" of her life. When you looked through them you actually felt like part of the story. Those lucky enough to receive one of her famous Christmas cards will tell you they are a gift in itself. She would spend many hours, working for months planning and building them. Laurie could make anything she touched come alive. She loved to collect things that caught her eye and made her smile; Knick knacks, beanie babies, photos, bikes and friends. Laurie was a dedicated biker chick. Many of you have seen her on a daily commute to work or play, no matter what the weather. She rode her bike with the same devotion she gave to the rest of her life, letting nothing get in her way. Laurie would often ride a route 20 miles or more to work, just for the fun of it. Laurie was a certified leader of bike tours for two different cycle organizations. She would giggle when she would say, "I get paid to ride my bike and go on these tours." She is the only person I know of who rode her bike to chemo and radiation treatments. She was unwilling to let cancer keep her from what she loved to do.
Laurie loved the outdoors. She loved to go camping, hiking, snowshoeing, and pretty much anything to be on-the-go. She would come in from her garden with the fruits of her labor and say, "Look at this, I made it myself." Laurie had a tremendous love of reading and an impressive collection of books. She would often lose herself for hours in a good story. This is a trait I believe she inherited from her Gram, one of the most important and influential people in Laurie's life. I believe this love of reading is what made Laurie unbeatable at scrabble. She had a keen mind and excelled at puzzles of all kinds. Laurie had a thirst for knowledge and the ability to research information on any topic. She was a wiz with computer programs, especially graphics programs. Laurie loved a good beer and some hot wings. The only thing better than beer and wings was sharing them with a good friend. She loved a good bargain. She could be spotted wheeling her bike through thrift stores from Seattle to Boise.
Most of all, Laurie loved her family. She would spend hours looking at old photos of her family. She would spend even more time taking pictures of family and family events. She loved her parents, Mom and Pop. She would speak often of her love and respect for them, and her wish to make them proud. She'd tell numerous stories of her sister, Stephanie, from when they were young. She loved that her gram's house in Kooskia was exactly the same as it was when she was little. She loved the Kooskia area, and the memories of family and fun times growing up.
How do you sum up someone's life?
Laurie was my wife, my friend, the love of my life. She was simply the finest person I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I think you measure a person by the love they live by, by the love they leave behind. A person's legacy is the loved ones left behind. Laurie is with her gram, Myrtle Smith Hurd, who we lost years ago. She's with her grandpa Jim, grandpa and grandma McCabe, her uncle Mickey, uncle Clinton, aunt Laura, niece Trishten Potts, and the list goes on. Laurie leaves behind her devoted husband Bob Salzwedel. Her children Mallory Kristen Fry, Keenan Christopher Fry, Jamie Johnson, Nicholas and Ashley Salzwedel, and Samantha Salzwedel. Her parents Dennis and Judy Smith. Her sister Stephanie and Tom Hood, and nephew Erik Hinds. Her grandchildren Karmen Johnson, Isabelle Johnson, and Cruz Salzwedel. Her mom Judie Salzwedel, sister Linda and Bob Potts, sister Laura and Gene Karen, nephew Alex and niece Bonnie Ybarra, niece Terra Ybarra, nephew Evan Salzwedel, cousins Brad and Bruce Geddes, and a multitude of friends too numerous to list.
A memorial service is scheduled for Saturday February 25, 2012 at New Bridges Church at 2 pm. We will have a dinner and reception following at Guardian Angels in Lewiston. Please join us to celebrate Laurie's life.
To my prayer warriors: continued prayers, please, for her children and her husband.Well, for everyone who deeply loved her. The agony that they all feel is often too much to bare.
For Bob, in particular, I desperately hope for a fraction of the abundant peace and comfort our God promises us because without it...
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